Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize