3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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