Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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