i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i think im in europe. pls send help
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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