i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
