I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
