Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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