Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
should my penis look like a turkey
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
