Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
