There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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