I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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