Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
