i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
