Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
