What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Success! We fucked roommates!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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