You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
