I can text with my tongue
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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