Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I look better un-naked...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
