Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
