i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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