mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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