I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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