A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize