I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
