I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
