we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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