my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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