I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
They are going to name an STD after you.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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