I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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