I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
