Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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