Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
