Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
