we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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