Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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