For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize