I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
