New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
