I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize