I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
