Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
