Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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