It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
