I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My penis needs a shock collar
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize