Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
