What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
