just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
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