I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
