I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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