You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
