It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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