the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
