Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
