I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
