batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
