I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
