So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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