she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
