My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
