i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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