I have demons in me.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
