I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
