dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
