he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
