So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
