ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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