I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
