I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
nutella sex= disaster
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
