I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
